In seeing how different the girls are, it is great to see how unique each individual is but challenging as a parent to learn not to make comparisons or have unhelpful expectations. Not to mention striking the balance between treating each one fairly and equally, whilst allowing for their character differences when interacting with them.
I have even more difficulty believing that CassCass is now three (at her next birthday she will be the age LissaLou was at the beginning of this year!!) but it is lovely to see how she is growing.
I really notice it in her speech, which is very fluent and clear in both languages. It is interesting to see how she automatically adjusts her language according to whether she is speaking to me or Bertie, and also just observing her language choice in different circumstances. She has started translating things to me, so she has obviously got the two languages differentiated. She does copy LissaLou though, mistakes included, so they both say "je vas" and "nhuit"!
CassCass is a ball of energy, and very agile which is lovely to watch. She loves climbing and jumping and, oh anything that involves moving! She can sit at the dinner table longer now, but she doesn't always! Sitting down activities are still limited with her, but she likes reading now a lot more.
Ah, but one time she is happy to be still is when she snuggles up beside mummy on her bed, a lock of mummy's hair in her hand and her thumb in her mouth! She loves this time and asks for it regularly, and she is quite happy to just lie, or to read, and occasionally chat.
CassCass still loves playing with Happyland, either on her own or with others. I think she is perfectly happy with her own company. She is still very wary of people, even those she knows well, and there are a few people (loud men!) of whom she is a bit scared. She has also developed a real phobia of people seeing her body, which I think stems from getting told off for going downstairs with no clothes on when we first arrived! At the beach on Sunday she made her daddy change her in the car with me standing blocking the window! She was most distraught at LissaLou just getting changed outside.
CassCass is a sensitive soul, and it is somthing I am praying about understanding better so that we can help and encourage her. She doesn't like being looked at sometimes, and gets upset if she thinks you are laughing at her, and she is still easily reduced to tears. She is also very specific about what you can or can't do with her, often being very independent. Some people are a bit insensitive or impatient with her, and I am working on how to handle this - avoid them? tell them to not say this or that? Sometimes we can intrude on another person's personal space (either verbally or physically), without giving thought to if they are comfortable with that, and I think this is what happens with CassCass. It is a helpful lesson to me that we are not all the same and so we shouldn't presume everyone will appreciate be treated in a particular way.
But equally she can be so full of joy and laughter and merriment! Some cousins of Bertie's have just arrived and it has been great to see how well she has taken to them, snuggling up and playing with them.
Her "obeying straight away" is definitely improving but depends entirely on how consistent we are! She will regularly push the boundaries deliberately, and it is very tempting to just let it go, so I have to pay attention to what I ask her to do or not do, to make sure that I really mean it and will follow it up. She will obey immediately if I mention the consequences if she doesn't! She also knows that she is not to shout or hit or push. I was struck by a story I read ecently on the importance of obedience, which told of a pastor's first funeral being for a three year old girl whose parents let her get away with disobeying whenever they told her to do something, and who was killed running in front of a car when she had been told to come back. It is hard work, but I believe so very important.
Often CassCass picks things up with little input from me (the joy of a second and subsequent child!). We began on the alphabet recently, learning the a b c song, but hadn't done anything for a few weeks, and suddenly she knows pretty much the whole song! She really enjoys reading the a b c book her Grandma made her (CassCass est adorable, CassCass est belle, CassCass est courageouse....) and recognises probably 16-20 letters. She enjoys counting too, and is often accurately counting objects around the place or in pictures.
CassCass and JoJo still get on really well, she plays very well with him, being gentle and sitting beside him with a toy or book. She will often steal his toy away though! When he wakes from his siesta, she goes in and opens the windows and entertains him till I come!
CassCass doesn't eat particularly well at the moment, but I suspect it is a mixture of too many biscuits in the diet (!), the heat, and not needing too much. I keep forgetting to serve child size portions, as mum helpfully advised! Perhaps I should serve food on saucers?! Eating when she is tired is a lost cause so that encourages me to have meals for midday and 6pm. If she has a siesta she will not go to sleep until 9 or 10 pm but otherwise is fast asleep within minutes around 7pm, then wide awake and raring to go at 6am. She does have night wakings regularly but I'm not sure what that's due to.
As with LissaLou, I am really looking forward to having CassCass at home for another year, as I feel that there is so much to learn about her and for me to understand in how to interact with her. I also quite simply enjoy the girls' company! The main challenge will be sharing my attention between her and LissaLou. As LissaLou is so much more vocal, it is easier for her to get my attention and to forget about CassCass who just gets on quietly with her own thing. I am hoping to find activities that will be able to involve them both, especially as CassCass is able to sit for longer periods.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Friday, 24 July 2009
The Kids Part One: LissaLou
LissaLou is now five and a half, amazing! She will be a six year old before you know it! She is a great little girl, sorry, I mean big girl!
I have noticed that as I think about and record the younger children's development, it is all about what they can do now, whereas with LissaLou it is a lot more focused on her attitude and shaping her character.
You'll remember from this post that obeying straight away has been our recent priority and she has got the hang of it very well. We try and chat and pray about it each morning with the girls as it seems to help remind them, and now that LissaLou has (generally but not absolutely) mastered that step, her daily challenge is to obey with a smile (as opposed to the constant "yeah but" that became her mantra, only to be replaced with kissing her teeth!!). Her other one is to come to me about any problems with CassCass (usually) or someone else, rather than hitting/pushing/screaming at the other person... She is so pleased when she has done a good job! (As am I!).
I think she has found it strange not being at school or having a routine over the last few weeks, as she has constantly been coming and asking "what can I do now?". I look forward to getting back into a routine with them and having all our toys and things back!
LissaLou is still deeply devoted to Hamie ("I love Hamie SO much mummy...) and will often retreat to her bed and suck her thumb whilst holding him. He has a very dinky house bag from mum which she loves carrying around with her too.
Reading is coming on bit by bit, and I think she might actually be better in french than in english right now. As for writing, her big dream is to write en attaché (the very impressive cursive style so beloved of all French people) which we have started on. But she gets very frustrated when she can't get things straight away - I can't tell you how much we struggled with k!
I have noticed that as I think about and record the younger children's development, it is all about what they can do now, whereas with LissaLou it is a lot more focused on her attitude and shaping her character.
You'll remember from this post that obeying straight away has been our recent priority and she has got the hang of it very well. We try and chat and pray about it each morning with the girls as it seems to help remind them, and now that LissaLou has (generally but not absolutely) mastered that step, her daily challenge is to obey with a smile (as opposed to the constant "yeah but" that became her mantra, only to be replaced with kissing her teeth!!). Her other one is to come to me about any problems with CassCass (usually) or someone else, rather than hitting/pushing/screaming at the other person... She is so pleased when she has done a good job! (As am I!).
I think she has found it strange not being at school or having a routine over the last few weeks, as she has constantly been coming and asking "what can I do now?". I look forward to getting back into a routine with them and having all our toys and things back!
LissaLou is still deeply devoted to Hamie ("I love Hamie SO much mummy...) and will often retreat to her bed and suck her thumb whilst holding him. He has a very dinky house bag from mum which she loves carrying around with her too.
Reading is coming on bit by bit, and I think she might actually be better in french than in english right now. As for writing, her big dream is to write en attaché (the very impressive cursive style so beloved of all French people) which we have started on. But she gets very frustrated when she can't get things straight away - I can't tell you how much we struggled with k!
She adores JoJo (rather too violently at times!) and has a more love-hate relationship with CassCass. They will play beautifully for hours (always in french!) then end up fighting over something or another. I like the idea that shaping a child's heart is more important than shaping their external behaviour, but it is a challenge to know how to do so. However, it is really easy to chat with LissaLou about issues like this, for example today we discussed that it was more important to love CassCass (by being patient) than to have her play in a particular way.
LissaLou is a chatterbox. Oh boy. But (like her mother before her!) she is apparently very quiet at school, as the maitresse wouldn't like it otherwise. (Oh yes? and what about her poor mother?!)
She loves counting, particularly in french. I pity anyone learning to count in french, having to cope with their forty-twenty-seventeen, that is in fact 97!
One thing I have loved recently is every morning that we get up early and find ourselves on the balcony as a family, she will come along with her French Bible and get Bertie to read to us! A great example to us all!
The girls haven't really developed the same relationship with their Mamie as with their Grandma, as she, in common with parents and grandparents in general here, doesn't spend one to one time with them doing activities and involving them. So I have been pleased to see LissaLou joining Mamie in her sewing room and watching Mamie as she makes her a dress. Hey, perhaps I won't need to learn to sew after all....!
Oh, I stopped the pocket money (she hasn't noticed!) as inexplicably, the money kept going missing, wherever I hid it.... She didn't really enjoy doing her daily tasks so we will work on that in the autumn. She loves washing up with me though, so we can do that more often when we are away from fizz sinks!
LissaLou is looking forward to coming home and seeing her family and playing with her BF! I am looking forward to homeschooling with her and getting to know her and appreciate her even more.
Saturday, 24 January 2009
The Nitty Gritty Of Character Development
One of our priorities for this year is.....obedience! Oh that dreaded issue! We want the girls to be obedient as a first response - as I read somewhere, if you have to shout or repeat yourself five times or bribe or whatever before your children obey or before you take any action (yes, we have done all of those!) then you are basically training your children to obey (or not) that way and will be doing that in the future.
We have sat down with the girls then and explained our new system and that we want them to obey straight away when they are told to do something, responding with "yes mummy" to show they have heard and processed it. Complaining, questioning, moaning etc is not obeying straight away! Failure to act will result in clearly defined consequences...!
In fact, children obeying is not the hardest part of the issue, it is parents remembering to be consistent! It is so easy to let something go because we are occupied or can't be bothered, so that is our challenge. It also makes you consider what boundaries you set or what commands you give more carefully bearing in mind that you will have to follow them up. So I think it ends up with fewer rules but those that are set have more value. I mean, does it really matter if Baby JoJo gets a green felt tip moustache...certainly not to him!
The other thing I struggle with is telling them to do something rather than asking. Of course if I say "Can you close the door LissaLou" she is well within her rights to say no! I am practising rephrasing it as "Close the door please LissaLou".
So far the whole issue of obedience is going much better - as my friend and fellow mum Yvonne pointed out to me (thanks for your help and encouragement on this subject and I hope you don't mind me quoting you!) a child is far happier with clearly defined boundaries and it also means much less shouting which is better for everyone! CassCass in particular is very easily reduced to tears by the word no (even if it isn't a telling off) or by raised voices, and this has helped her lots as we are aiming to speak pleasantly and calmly.
On the subject of shouting, that is another priority for us. Here, everyone shouts, so much! (One person explained that it is because of the outdoor life - it is certainly true that people are more likely to shout "Ki jen aw!" from the pavement across the road to their friend sitting on their verandah than come up close and converse!) So it has been very easy for us to fall into that bad habit. (LissaLou has picked it up from school - more from the teacher than from the kids!)
I have been ashamed to hear LissaLou saying pitifully "why do you always shout at me mummy!" but it is a good lesson in learning to apologise to your child! I was also challenged by this post which told us that "there are few emergencies" whereas we mums (well, I speak for myself here!) can have a bad habit of hurrying, hassling, perhaps shouting our way through the day. Listening to the way the parents speak to their children around us (and their children reply) reminds me of a quote from "Shepherding Your Child's Heart" (Tedd Tripp) on the principle that conversation is dialogue, not monologue: "Her mother was a screamer. Communication was limited to periods of volcanic activity. When Mom spewed forth lava, [she] learnt to head for cover". Oh yes, la Soufriere is not the only volcano on this island!
So shouting is now out. Except in the case of fire of course. I would say that Bertie rarely if ever shouts so that is a great example for us. Presumably that was developed by his desire to retain his voice throughout his years in an inner city school! And believe me, LissaLou is quick to remind me if I forget this one!
We are working on saying thank you and that is going well, particularly with CassCass, who has a great example to follow in LissaLou.
Finally, as LissaLou approaches the grand old age of 5, I have introduced two new concepts - privilege and responsibility. For privilege, she is going to be receiving pocket money. I think I will give her €1.50 a week in three 50 centimes coins - one for church collection, one for saving and one for spending. Sounded a lot to me but it won't even buy her a floup! (They have just gone up to 75 centimes, shock horror!) This is the beginning of that topic close to my heart (and which my dad gave me such good lessons in!)...money management!
For responsibility, we discussed all the things that needed to be done to keep the house nice and everyone healthy, then who did all these things. Daddy got equal mention with me, which seemed a bit inaccurate...! When put in this perspective, LissaLou was quite happy to get away with five things to match her age:
1. Carry cups down for lunch and upstairs to be washed
2. Put her pyjamas on her bed after her shower
3. Put her clothes in the washing basket
4. Put her shoes in the shoe box
5. Tidy up her toys
Oh for such an easy life!
Right, enough thinking for now, I am off to roast a chicken and cope without water, again!
We have sat down with the girls then and explained our new system and that we want them to obey straight away when they are told to do something, responding with "yes mummy" to show they have heard and processed it. Complaining, questioning, moaning etc is not obeying straight away! Failure to act will result in clearly defined consequences...!
In fact, children obeying is not the hardest part of the issue, it is parents remembering to be consistent! It is so easy to let something go because we are occupied or can't be bothered, so that is our challenge. It also makes you consider what boundaries you set or what commands you give more carefully bearing in mind that you will have to follow them up. So I think it ends up with fewer rules but those that are set have more value. I mean, does it really matter if Baby JoJo gets a green felt tip moustache...certainly not to him!
The other thing I struggle with is telling them to do something rather than asking. Of course if I say "Can you close the door LissaLou" she is well within her rights to say no! I am practising rephrasing it as "Close the door please LissaLou".
So far the whole issue of obedience is going much better - as my friend and fellow mum Yvonne pointed out to me (thanks for your help and encouragement on this subject and I hope you don't mind me quoting you!) a child is far happier with clearly defined boundaries and it also means much less shouting which is better for everyone! CassCass in particular is very easily reduced to tears by the word no (even if it isn't a telling off) or by raised voices, and this has helped her lots as we are aiming to speak pleasantly and calmly.
On the subject of shouting, that is another priority for us. Here, everyone shouts, so much! (One person explained that it is because of the outdoor life - it is certainly true that people are more likely to shout "Ki jen aw!" from the pavement across the road to their friend sitting on their verandah than come up close and converse!) So it has been very easy for us to fall into that bad habit. (LissaLou has picked it up from school - more from the teacher than from the kids!)
I have been ashamed to hear LissaLou saying pitifully "why do you always shout at me mummy!" but it is a good lesson in learning to apologise to your child! I was also challenged by this post which told us that "there are few emergencies" whereas we mums (well, I speak for myself here!) can have a bad habit of hurrying, hassling, perhaps shouting our way through the day. Listening to the way the parents speak to their children around us (and their children reply) reminds me of a quote from "Shepherding Your Child's Heart" (Tedd Tripp) on the principle that conversation is dialogue, not monologue: "Her mother was a screamer. Communication was limited to periods of volcanic activity. When Mom spewed forth lava, [she] learnt to head for cover". Oh yes, la Soufriere is not the only volcano on this island!
So shouting is now out. Except in the case of fire of course. I would say that Bertie rarely if ever shouts so that is a great example for us. Presumably that was developed by his desire to retain his voice throughout his years in an inner city school! And believe me, LissaLou is quick to remind me if I forget this one!
We are working on saying thank you and that is going well, particularly with CassCass, who has a great example to follow in LissaLou.
Finally, as LissaLou approaches the grand old age of 5, I have introduced two new concepts - privilege and responsibility. For privilege, she is going to be receiving pocket money. I think I will give her €1.50 a week in three 50 centimes coins - one for church collection, one for saving and one for spending. Sounded a lot to me but it won't even buy her a floup! (They have just gone up to 75 centimes, shock horror!) This is the beginning of that topic close to my heart (and which my dad gave me such good lessons in!)...money management!
For responsibility, we discussed all the things that needed to be done to keep the house nice and everyone healthy, then who did all these things. Daddy got equal mention with me, which seemed a bit inaccurate...! When put in this perspective, LissaLou was quite happy to get away with five things to match her age:
1. Carry cups down for lunch and upstairs to be washed
2. Put her pyjamas on her bed after her shower
3. Put her clothes in the washing basket
4. Put her shoes in the shoe box
5. Tidy up her toys
Oh for such an easy life!
Right, enough thinking for now, I am off to roast a chicken and cope without water, again!
New Year's Goals
What I like about blogging is that it is my space to put down my thoughts and happenings and both record them for the future, rather like a journal, but also share them for any interested, hopefully for their encouragement and edification. However, there is no obligation for anyone to read them if they aren't interesting or relevant. Equally, once it has gone out live (there is always a moment of trepidation before pressing the Publish button!) I am in a certain respect accountable to following it up!
So here are my thoughts on my goals, which I could have blogged about on 1 Jan but I thought I would wait a while and make sure they were going to happen! Feel free to share your thoughts or own goals in the comments field (non-family members also welcome!)
My usual practice is to have a theme for the year (I have read about some bloggers who have a word such as gratitude or communion which is also a nice idea). Last year it was "stepping outside of my comfort zone" (with baby number three as well as the move) and according to my journal my verse for the year was Zech 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power but by my Spirit".
This year the theme is spiritual discipline and my verse goes along with that: "rather, train yourself to be godly" 1 Tim 4: 7-8. I am reading "Disciplines of a Godly Woman" by Barbara Hughes and currently working on daily prayer, bible reading and the really hard one....getting up early enough to do it! Not quite managed the last one yet! This is mainly due to having
1. a tv
2. a husband who likes watching films in the evening
3. the french system of starting films at 8.50pm so they finish ridiculously late
4. ok ok a general lack of self discipline on my part too!
In addition to that, I have also been musing on the idea of intentional parenting. (I made this term up for myself then discovered loads of people have already used it, ah well!) In fact, there is room for intentionality in all of my life but I thought I would particularly focus on this crucial area.
What do I mean by this phrase... Well, it is all to easy to drift through life without any particular focus or (to take some helpful cliches) surviving not thriving and failing to plan which of course we are told means planning to fail!! I like organising and believe it to be important, although there is of course room for spontaneity and impulsiveness in life. The problem is, if I don't have a clear picture of where I am going and what is the priority for me to get done, there is a very good chance I won't achieve the important things in life, but will get caught up in what Stephen Covey so helpfully classes as the unimportant urgent things that clamour for our attention. (7 Habits For Highly Effective People - great book!)
So the first thing to do is have a mission plan for where I am going - I enjoyed listening to Barack Obama's speech on Tuesday as it was a very clear mission plan for the American people. In effect, he was saying this is what we wish to attain, now his job is to work out the details and strategy of how to get there. And if he gets lost or distracted on the way, he can always refer back to it and check if he is focusing his attention on what he classed as his priorities.
Once I have a mission plan, I can refer all my plans and projects to it, and check them against it so to speak. Then when I have a conflict of choices and decisions to make, I can go for the ones that match with my priorities. If my time is limited, and the season that I am currently in is brief (for a great talk on this, have a look at Caroline Mahaney's talk here) then it is all the more important to use each hour wisely. Sometimes I look back and think if I had given it a bit more thought I would not necessarily have spent my time doing that (surfing the net perhaps!!) or committed myself to going to x, y or z. I have my mission plan in my head but I would like to put it in writing - my current favourite verse for it is 2 Cor 5:9 "So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it".
On to intentional parenting then. Nowhere in my life am I more aware of wasted time than with the children, as we are often reminded how short our time with them is and how quickly these lovely years of being their main influence will pass. And as we are also reminded as parents, how important our job is! We are shaping children and how they turn out in years to come will be to a large extent dependent on what input they receive from us. Wow! I love that challenge, daunting as it is! Who would be a City Banker when they could be a child shaper!!!
I also notice in my own life that whilst I have the privilege of being at home all the time with the kids, if I don't pay attention and give thought to the time I spend with them, I can actually spend hardly more time really interacting with them than someone who is out at work all day, as I get sidetracked by cleaning and er, surfing the web and all the other demands or temptations that pop up.
So in choosing to be more intentional, it is a way of reflecting on what our priorities are for our family, for the characters and capabilities of the children (not to mention ourselves!) and then highlighting what will help us achieve these and prioritising these activities or times above all others. I don't mean that I have every minute and hour of the day planned out (doesn't that sound nice though! If somewhat unrealistic!) but working out what are the rocks of the day and making them get placed into the jar (I love this picture very clearly explained on one of my favourite blogs here!) before all the pebbles and sand come fill it up. And in my case, if this is not done prayerfully and basing my mission plan and goals on the Bible, it will not be done well.
Look out for the next post which gives you some practical ways that I am implementing all this.
So here are my thoughts on my goals, which I could have blogged about on 1 Jan but I thought I would wait a while and make sure they were going to happen! Feel free to share your thoughts or own goals in the comments field (non-family members also welcome!)
My usual practice is to have a theme for the year (I have read about some bloggers who have a word such as gratitude or communion which is also a nice idea). Last year it was "stepping outside of my comfort zone" (with baby number three as well as the move) and according to my journal my verse for the year was Zech 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power but by my Spirit".
This year the theme is spiritual discipline and my verse goes along with that: "rather, train yourself to be godly" 1 Tim 4: 7-8. I am reading "Disciplines of a Godly Woman" by Barbara Hughes and currently working on daily prayer, bible reading and the really hard one....getting up early enough to do it! Not quite managed the last one yet! This is mainly due to having
1. a tv
2. a husband who likes watching films in the evening
3. the french system of starting films at 8.50pm so they finish ridiculously late
4. ok ok a general lack of self discipline on my part too!
In addition to that, I have also been musing on the idea of intentional parenting. (I made this term up for myself then discovered loads of people have already used it, ah well!) In fact, there is room for intentionality in all of my life but I thought I would particularly focus on this crucial area.
What do I mean by this phrase... Well, it is all to easy to drift through life without any particular focus or (to take some helpful cliches) surviving not thriving and failing to plan which of course we are told means planning to fail!! I like organising and believe it to be important, although there is of course room for spontaneity and impulsiveness in life. The problem is, if I don't have a clear picture of where I am going and what is the priority for me to get done, there is a very good chance I won't achieve the important things in life, but will get caught up in what Stephen Covey so helpfully classes as the unimportant urgent things that clamour for our attention. (7 Habits For Highly Effective People - great book!)
So the first thing to do is have a mission plan for where I am going - I enjoyed listening to Barack Obama's speech on Tuesday as it was a very clear mission plan for the American people. In effect, he was saying this is what we wish to attain, now his job is to work out the details and strategy of how to get there. And if he gets lost or distracted on the way, he can always refer back to it and check if he is focusing his attention on what he classed as his priorities.
Once I have a mission plan, I can refer all my plans and projects to it, and check them against it so to speak. Then when I have a conflict of choices and decisions to make, I can go for the ones that match with my priorities. If my time is limited, and the season that I am currently in is brief (for a great talk on this, have a look at Caroline Mahaney's talk here) then it is all the more important to use each hour wisely. Sometimes I look back and think if I had given it a bit more thought I would not necessarily have spent my time doing that (surfing the net perhaps!!) or committed myself to going to x, y or z. I have my mission plan in my head but I would like to put it in writing - my current favourite verse for it is 2 Cor 5:9 "So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it".
On to intentional parenting then. Nowhere in my life am I more aware of wasted time than with the children, as we are often reminded how short our time with them is and how quickly these lovely years of being their main influence will pass. And as we are also reminded as parents, how important our job is! We are shaping children and how they turn out in years to come will be to a large extent dependent on what input they receive from us. Wow! I love that challenge, daunting as it is! Who would be a City Banker when they could be a child shaper!!!
I also notice in my own life that whilst I have the privilege of being at home all the time with the kids, if I don't pay attention and give thought to the time I spend with them, I can actually spend hardly more time really interacting with them than someone who is out at work all day, as I get sidetracked by cleaning and er, surfing the web and all the other demands or temptations that pop up.
So in choosing to be more intentional, it is a way of reflecting on what our priorities are for our family, for the characters and capabilities of the children (not to mention ourselves!) and then highlighting what will help us achieve these and prioritising these activities or times above all others. I don't mean that I have every minute and hour of the day planned out (doesn't that sound nice though! If somewhat unrealistic!) but working out what are the rocks of the day and making them get placed into the jar (I love this picture very clearly explained on one of my favourite blogs here!) before all the pebbles and sand come fill it up. And in my case, if this is not done prayerfully and basing my mission plan and goals on the Bible, it will not be done well.
Look out for the next post which gives you some practical ways that I am implementing all this.
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